Lost and finding

A journey of a million miles starts with a single step. The hardest step is the one out of the front door. Why worry about tomorrow when all you have is today. I need these words to keep me calm and assured that what I am doing will not be a disaster.

The leaves are falling down, the days are getting shorter, and every time I open the smelly fridge door in my temporary apartment I think: “only 6 more weeks”. Then what? I really have no idea. People keep on asking me what I will do in Bali. Often I answer “read Eat, Pray, Love“. What am I supposed to say? Those who know me know, that I am not the kind to just lie on a beach, let alone do that for months. I have no clue what I will do (except for eat loads and loads of fruit, take walks in the rice fields, do yoga, and try my very best to meditate), but I just have to trust that I will figure it out. If I wasn’t there, I would be contemplating what to do here, when it’s dark and cold and all I really want to do is sleep for 4 months.

One of my friends asked me if I am going to escape the winter or to find myself. I am definitely escaping the winter. I am also trying to find myself, or to figure out my place in this whole picture that is (my) life. I hope and am sure that I will find much more than just myself, but it’s frustrating not to know what to find. Is it possible to find something if you don’t know what you are looking for? Maybe it gives room for finding much more. No expectations leave room for surprises. Hopefully pleasant.

Double rainbows over Helsinki while uphill training.
Double rainbows over Helsinki while uphill training.

4 thoughts on “Lost and finding

    1. Agreed! Somehow I feel that reading encouraging phrases when in doubt or down help me get a grip again! It’s wonderful to be lost, you never know what or where you find yourself.


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