Sometimes it seems like life is just a vast endless sea with constant storms and enormous waves that rock your boat and splash water on the deck, making you afraid if you are going to make it to the next safe harbour. But steady waters don’t make a sailor, at least this is what I keep on telling myself. Maybe I seek discomfort and new challenges, to feel like I am developing my sailing skills and enduring bigger waves when ever they might hit me?
A year ago I had but a thought in the back of my mind to go to Melbourne to discover what life so far away from home but yet in so familiar culture would feel like. Now I am pondering whether I should really settle, at least for another year, making compromises with my life (studying mainly just for the sake of getting a visa and to have some steady foundation in life), staying in the ah-so-familiar and already a tad numbing hospitality work, or to sail away to the unknown waters. This decision making and endless see-sawing back and forth has made stressed, anxious and feeling low at times. I have never been one to jump to things head over heels, without using excessive amount of energy and brain capacity to try and see the matter from different perspectives. Sometimes this approach bites me in the ass, like in this case when both of the possibilities I have ahead of me are wonderful (or potentially equally miserable), no matter what happens.
Sometimes in life you have opportunities that present themselves only once. Other possibilities are possible to go back to at different times. I love Melbourne. The city will stay there for me. Maybe not the same, maybe not from the same perspective, but I will have the opportunity to return, with one visa or another. The opportunity to explore, the world and myself, will also be there. Not in the same form, and less likely to actually happen, but I am the captain of my boat and I have the power to decide where I steer myself. Life will figure itself out, and going with the flow and surfing your own wave is something one should always keep in mind. You can only trust that the waters lead you to where you’re supposed to end up in.
Oh, I have actually never been on a real sailboat, I can only hope to experience it at some point.